Going through a divorce is never easy. You will have pent up anger and emotions that are waiting to erupt and many times these feelings can make you do crazy and stupid things that you will definitely regret later in life. You should try and bring your marriage to an amicable end, so that everyone involved in the family can transition to their new lives as easily as possible. That is why there are certain things that you should never do during a divorce.
1. Do Not Be Rigid in Your Attitude
During a divorce, you will be negotiating the settlement and child custody. Just because you are angry with your spouse and want to hurt him or her, you may not want to bend during these negotiations. But remember, the sooner you get over these negotiations, the faster you will be able to resume your life. So try and be flexible with regard to the divorce settlement and child custody.
2. Do Not Brush Aside Your Spouse’s Needs
It is easy to forget that your ex-spouse is a human being during a divorce. This prompts many spouses to disregard their ex’s needs. On the contrary, you will come out looking nice if you take into consideration the other person’s needs and be fair and unbiased in all your negotiations. This is difficult, but think of the person sitting across the table as a human being with whom you must have spent a few happy years for sure.
3. Do Not Force Kids to Take Sides
Divorces can be bad for adults, but they are worse for kids. Often children feel they did something wrong that caused their parents to separate. This guilt eats them and there is a drastic change in their behavior and performance at school. Instead of making your children feel bad by forcing them to take sides as a way to punish your ex, you should try and be honest about the situation while reinforcing that both mum and dad still love them and that the divorce is not their fault whatsoever.
4. Do Not Use Your Divorce Lawyer as Your Personal Therapist
It is the job of a divorce attorney to be a good listener and sympathize with your situation, but this does not mean that you start treating your divorce lawyer as your therapist because he or she is not. Every time you complain about your spouse and talk to your lawyer about how horrible or bad he or she is, you are increasing the cost of your divorce because you will be on the clock and the lawyer will bill you for this time. So be sensible and look for a qualified and certified therapist to speak about your spouse and marriage breakdown rather than your lawyer.
5. Do Not Refuse Mediation
Many couples feel that opting for mediation means surrendering. On the contrary, mediation is an excellent way to settle issues that exist between your ex-spouse and you. Not only can it resolve pending issues, it also hastens the divorce and helps you save money and time. In fact, you will be surprised to find during the mediation that you and your ex actually do and can agree on several things.
6. Do Not Put Down Your Spouse In Front of the Kids
The worse thing that you can do is trash your spouse in front of your children by constantly telling them what a horrible husband or wife your spouse was and how he or she was constantly running after other men and women. You will be harming your children emotionally and mentally. If your spouse is truly bad and good for nothing, you do not have to spell it out to your kids. Sooner or later they will discover the fact themselves. So, let it be. While you have the luxury of breaking off your relationship and any form of contact with your ex, your children do not have this luxury, as your ex will all always be their dad or mom.
7. Not Hire a Divorce Attorney
If there is a real issue in your marriage, such as child or spousal abuse, you should not waste time hiring a divorce lawyer. The lawyer will help you make the right arrangements to protect you and your kids. You should also hire a qualified lawyer when your spouse is vindictive and you feel you will not be able to cope with the situation. In such a case, you need a lawyer who will safeguard your interests and that of your kids. And, if your spouse decides to hire a divorce lawyer, you too should go ahead. This way you will not feel intimidated during the negotiations.
These are some things you should avoid during a divorce. While a divorce is not a cause for celebration, it is better to go through one if you feel you cannot cope with your spouse or the situation. Rather than letting your kids witness fights and unpleasant scenes everyday, a divorce can turn into a better situation for you and your kids. So, make sure you hire services of a reputed law firm, who have qualified and experienced divorce lawyers that can guide you and get you through this breakup quickly and easily.