Ways to stay stressed

7 Ways to stay stressed  and feel like crap!

By Jozzy Steffen  4/21/15

Stress is something that we all have, some more than others.  Holding on to stress and not relieving it can have an incredible amount of burden on our bodies.

This can and will affect us physically, mentally and of course emotionally.

According to the American Psychology Association, extreme stress can lead to serious health issues that include every system in our physical and mental state.

In an upside-down-shirt-on-backwards sort of way, here is what to do if we want to keep and even increase our stress or better yet, turn these ideas inside out and do the opposite of what I have here to be a much better you.

In other words, do the OPPOSITE of this list!

  1. Do NOT have a sense of humor. 

Ways to stay stressed

Whatever you do, don’t laugh at anything.  And for the love of God, don’t find things that are funny because you’ll laugh.

Laughing is the epitome of happy and you want to stay stressed, remember?

Having a sense of humor can mean, gut laughing, giggling at something that someone said or something that you had seen, or taking a break and watching something that tickles your funny bone on TV.

Goodness no…

  1.   Watch every episode of The News and read about the negative stuff in the newspapers

How many were killed in where?  Who did they just find out is stealing money from their prospective business?  Wait, there’s cameras in our dogfood?

Whatever you do, watch every episode of the news and envelope yourself with self-pity and ridiculousness.


I know this stuff matters.  Yes.  There’s absolutely no denying that, however keep piling on the negative stuff that the media just loves to cover like a tent of thick fog and voila!  You’ve got yourself a spicy blanket of depression and paranoia all wrapped up in a happy little burrito type shell.


Do you really need to listen and involve yourself on a personal level to each and every sad or angry story out there?

I guess if you really want to be stressed, put yourself in all of their shoes in all of these sad, loathing, depressively stressed issues and dwell on it.

Don’t by any means turn it off so you can work on your own life or your family’s.

And make sure you don’t watch the happy news either – there’s not much usually, but goodness knows, uplifting news takes away lots of those negative feelings for if even a moment and who wants to have a smile on their face?

  1.  Don’t get rest.

Getting sleep, especially ‘enough’ sleep (7 hours average for an adult according to Webmd) will lead to being well rested.

What do we get when we’re well rested?  Less mental and physical exhaustion, less anger, less stress, more clear headed thinking and better health all around.

Besides oxygen, water and food, this is one of the necessities to actually being alive.

If you watch more TV, stay on the computer, tablet or smart phone, according to www.sleepfoundation.org, all of this “interferes with our ‘circadian rhythm’ or sleep/wake cycle”.

So if you want the good rest?  Shut this stuff off a good hour at least prior to getting some shut-eye.

  1.  Sit on the couch and use the clicker.

Getting up if you can, getting outside for fresh air, maybe a walk by yourself or with the dog or whatever animal you can muster can cleanse your thoughts besides your sinuses.

Getting away from the couch and TV can also make you feel good and gives you energy for the rest of your day.

If you go outside, using your senses – smell the outdoors, look at nature, the sky, the trees, the little varmints racing around, can give you a sense of peace and calmness.  Listen to the little bit of wind rustling the leaves or the garbage on the ground you might come across.  The little birdies singing their songs back and forth.

Now who wants that?  I mean really.

5.Eat fatty comfort foods

Woohoo!  Cake, candy, burgers, deep fried sticks of butter, or anything of that matter are great at making a person feel full, heavy and ready for that heart attack.

Stuff like vegetables, fruits, water, nuts and protein enriched foods might hinder that stressed feeling and make you feel good and energized.

Oh, and who doesn’t like the occasional urinary tract infection?  If you lack on your water intake, you’ll luck out and get one of those.  Keep it up and a hospital stay with a severe kidney infection is on the horizon.

Nothing like just eating your fatty comfort foods and feeling like dirt.

Just because we need healthy food to literally stay alive, stay alert, keep our inner organs healthy and working the way they’re suppose to, especially our heart and brains – why not eat our nasty fatty comfort foods on a constant basis so we can become some unrecognizable blob of flesh?

Sounds enticing doesn’t it?

6.Keep to yourself

No friends, family, dogs, cats or certain bunnies you’ve named ‘Hildegard’.

By the way, this means no internet connections either.  No Facebook or Twitter and absolutely no email accounts or support groups.

Keeping to yourself, you are drowning in your own pity party.  And who doesn’t love a good sizable amount of stress like that!

Why would we want to know that you can feel so much better by releasing those stressful feelings by just talking to another human being?

According to the American Psychological Association, talking with someone else is one of the top five ways to alleviate stress.

Now who would want all that weight lifted off our shoulders anyway?

  1. Last but not least, on the flip side of keeping to yourself, make sure you have no ‘me’ time.

Time to relieve other stressers like the hustle and bustle of traffic, work, kids, married life, dinner, cleaning, homework, pets, or picking up dog poo?

No down time.  None.

Reading a chapter or two of a good book, taking a calming walk, or listening to feel good music might just take the edge off that every day stress stuff.

Other ideas to stay away from are 10-30 minutes of meditation, getting a massage, or writing it out are crazy out of your mind things to do to alleviate this stress thing we have going on.

And for heaven’s sake, don’t treat yourself to a movie alone, because goodness knows this is one of those refreshing things that actually gives you a couple of hours to get away from it all and coast into another situation or even world with your occasional buttered popcorn and icy cold soda.

What an awful thing to imagine just writing this.

Goodness knows that this ‘me-time’ stuff is not for those who dig a good stressed, frustrated, angry, ridiculous, short painful life.

For the record, all this stuff to keep you stressed is really NOT a good idea.

This is plainly to see how ridiculous you are when you keep doing these things and complain about why you’re so stressed.

So my personal advice and contribution, do the opposite of each and every one of these 7 pointers.

These are all painful steps.  Physically painful, mentally painful, and emotionally painful.

And in the words of Daffy Duck, “I don’t like pain, it hurts me…”


Thank you much

Take care and have a great rest of your week!?

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