Yes we are in the age of TMI “Too much information”. I mean we have the likes of social media like twitter and facebook to share with the world what we ate for lunch, what brand of tuna we used and how eating tuna for lunch has had all these incredible benefits on your whole life like being able to go the toilet twice a day instead of once.
Plus lets not mention facebook, which is a total snapshot of your entire life on 5 pages and less. From your closest friends, to your most annoying pet peeves, to what you like and what you hate … and the likes and dislikes of all the friends you like and hate. I mean you can’t hide anything even if you tried. You can’t fake anything because who you really are, is available to the world, comeon guys even if your profile is set on private … 6 degrees of separation!
I’ve actually shut down my facebook profile for the moment, because I believe that less is so so so much more. Plus all these random pictures kept sprouting up of me and its just plain embarrassing not knowing where the heck they came from! Plus there is probably a whole lot of people on there who know me, who I should know, but I don’t. And this is all too confusing, since I have many other more important things to confuse myself with. Like what to have for lunch.
So how does all this sharing kill your attraction or your ability to attract women or men for that matter of fact? Well simply because it sets you up with a mindset which will help you to fail time and time again when it comes to attracting the opposite sex.
What is this particular belief? That sharing everything little things about yourself is OK! Because its NOT! I mean it has its time and its place, but I would recommend this is not during the first 5 minutes of meeting someone, the first 5 minutes of a date or the first 5 minutes of a phone conversation.
I think there is a little something that should be left to the imagination. Just a thought. I mean sure, I get that you want to have a deeper connection with a woman. Buts that’s not going to happen by you telling her your most disgusting habit or your lifelong fear of “being out in open spaces”.
So what does this lead me to (and yes I do have a point)? This false idea that sharing everything about yourself is OK (which for those of you that are still catching on .. its NOT)! And further, the belief that the more intimate things you share with a woman the more she will like you (which is also completely and utterly “throw yourself off a bridge” WRONG!!)
So why exactly does this kill attraction? Well I will give you a couple of reasons. First attraction is created through tension, mystery and challenge. Its a balance between knowing what you want, but not yet being able to attain it. Its about creating an energy which not only compels, but also intrigues you.
Now here is the thing about sharing too much. It kills the intrigue! How valuable is something is if was so easy to obtain? Let me ask you this, what do you value more, something that you had to pay money for, or the same thing that was given to you for free? Something that took you a long time to create or something that was given to you instantly?
As human beings, we simply value that which is harder to obtain. Its easier just to accept this fact. Because then we can argue about the things that really matter.
And some of you may be thinking, well how do I know how much to share? Where is the manual on how much I need to share, what are the guidelines?! Tell me how much I can share HAF!! Tell me and I’ll do it!!
Well I’m sorry, I’m not going to give you the MANUAL on how much to share with girls and yes I say this full well knowing that you would love one. I don’t do this to punish you, I will admit I do it intentionally. Because I’m here to educate, to help you cultivate your own conclusions, to make you think and act in a way that helps you to naturally attract women … not to give you all the answers (as it simply wouldn’t be useful in the long run for you!)
But I’m going to help you out with some tips =)
First share things, that fine, but always allow for space for the person to have something to look forward to. Maybe its something that you will reveal to them next time you talk to them, but it has to be something that is continually unfolding. If you can leave then hanging on the edge of their seat until the next time you interact with them, even better! If you can keep them curious, almost uncertain about you, excited in what is going to be revealed next you have a loyal fan, someone who is so keenly interested in what is that next thing you are going to say or do that will make them feel all this wonderful sense of anticipation, they literally feel like they want to combust!
Now the reason why I explain something like this, is because it is a whole lot more fun than pouring out your guts and leaving nothing unsaid on the first date. Put the mystery and fun back into it.
So even though I don’t really like “rules” these days, simply because I believe they are inflexible and don’t take into account the person and the individual situation at hand, I do want to share one guideline when it comes to sharing.
As a general rule, share as much as is being shared with you. Or maybe just a little smidgen less. See if you do the exact opposite of sharing too much, too soon, meaning your sharing too little, too late, then you are still swimming up shite creek. And lets face it, no one likes shite.
Mutual connection and attraction develops through a sense of similarity and difference. Through sameness and polarity. Through a mixture of the known and the unknown. You need to be able to find a balance of both. Its not healthy to be an extreme of anything in this life. Its all about the balance. So when you can share as much or as little as a person is sharing with you, then you can also meet them in a way that seems familiar. Yet when you also allow the anticipation and mystery to build because you are not sharing all of what you are about (yet) then it also gives the person something really exciting and wonderful to look forward too. You with me? Match someone on your level and lead them to a place of anticipation and mystery. That’s the key!
And this is a way that you can use sharing to help create attraction rather than diminish it =)
What have been some of your experiences with sharing too much, too soon, or sharing too little, too late?