Originally posted on January 2, 2020 @ 9:13 am
1. Be in contact with yourself to think outside the box.
It is one of the most critical parenting skills you as a parent need to apply every time something goes wrong in a relationship with a child. You have to make contact with yourself.
When things are heating up, try to abstract away from it and ask your intuition, your wise “self”: “What should be done to act wisely?” It is not easy to do, especially if the situation gives you strong emotions. However, if you develop such a skill, it will become a habit.
Note that establishing contact with oneself is the basis for the formation of other essential parenting skills, which will be the topic of a below discussion. So, what should you do to act wisely in different family situations?
2. Be aware of the needs of the child and do everything to satisfy them.
When you learn to hear your inner voice, you must learn to make informed decisions. Ask yourself the question: “What does my child need in the long term?” Adhere to these principles:
Look at things over the long term. If a child exhibits dangerous behavior (for example, takes medicine from a first-aid kit without asking), it is necessary to interfere, because the consequences can be severe. If the offenses are minor, the punishment should not be too harsh;
When making choices, sort out priorities. If you have a goal to teach a child something (for example, to accustom him to sports), then you need to find time for this regularly, even against other matters;
Love and respect is the key to success. Also if you experience negative emotions, it is vital to treat your child with love and respect.
For example, you are continually experiencing stress, taking children from kindergarten. You are tired of the very thought that now you will need to cook dinner and listen to the endless whims of the children all evening.
Ask yourself “How can I make the evening enjoyable for everyone?” You may decide to look out for yourself. You may not like this idea, because many parents are just not used to spending time on their own. However, listen to your inner self and come up with options for finding time for yourself (perhaps working from home to be able to spend a couple of hours a day while children are in kindergarten). Always remember about priorities. If you want your life and the life of your family to become better, you should devote more time to it.
Of course, it will not be easy, and you will have to sacrifice something for this (perhaps with a career or money). However, one way or another, you should always remember about the long term. If you doubt, imagine yourself in 20 years. Look from this position on the current situation and think about which solution would be useful the most. From this position, it becomes clear which decision to take, because this is how you see the chances.
3. Show unconditional love.
Unconditional love means that you:
Stop using threats and bribes in raising a child;
You will use positive rewards; show your child your love and full acceptance, regardless of his behavior.
Hug a child, even if you think that the kid misbehaves, or when you have to decline.
They also call this style of childrearing an unconditional upbringing. Many parents find it hard to stick with it because they are used to control their children in everything. However, nothing can cope with the childish tantrums, tears, and hysterics as well as our unconditional love.
If we tend to show love and tenderness towards children only when they behave well, they may think that to receive the love they need to earn it. They develop a belief that parents love them not for who they are, but for what they do: for listening to their parents or for any achievements. In the future, children are making significant efforts to meet the expectations of others, thinking mistakenly that in this case only they will be accepted.
Such children can be admired if they achieve a lot. Admiring of others also brings short-term pleasure, but it has nothing to do with love
4. Enjoy your child’s uniqueness.
Always, without knowing it, we compare children, their appearance, skills, etc. When our child is inferior to his peers, we become more demanding of him.
However, you should understand that your child is unique and has its strengths. Be on your child’s side, not against it. For this, you need:
Admit that the baby is beautiful just the way it is. Every child is a unique personality, appreciate this fact;
Give up on expectations concerning your child. Generalizations insult their uniqueness;
Encourage your child to defend his interests, even if you do not like some of them
5.Make sure you are always available for the child.
Natural education leads to the fact that you and your child feel affection for each other. To do this, you need to develop these skills:
Establish a connection with the child on a gut level to understand what s/he needs: your love, touch, understanding, respect, time to be seen or heard, etc.;
When a child is near, always be attentive to him and listen to what the child wants to tell you;
Go with your gut feeling about what is right and what is evil for your child. In other words, you should be critical of the advice of others about raising a child.
6.Put in question your ideas if they do not work.
Always ask yourself the question: “Do my principles of child-rearing make sense? Am I not biased towards the child? ”
Still, be prepared to give up your principles and adjust your expectations according to the needs of the child. If a child wants to show you something that surprised him before giving up, consider whether you are so busy or can still give 5 minutes to your child.
7.Show respect and be patient.
We are often so busy that we consider our business to be the only important ones and ignore the wishes of our child, thinking them stupid and not so important. If a child wants to show us something, we say that we have no time for it.
Parents always decide what is essential and what is not. However, children also want to make decisions or safely share what they consider valuable for themselves.
To show respect for what your child says, parents should develop the following skills:
A balance between flexibility and consistency. Give your child as many choices as possible and let him choose one of them;
You should not yell at the child, spank or scream at him, instead explain the negative consequences of his actions. For example, say, “I am sad that you broke a vase. Now I cannot put flowers in it. Shards of glass are scattered on the floor, and this is dangerous because you can step on the fragment”;
Say no only, when you mean exactly that. If necessary, explain your position: “Sorry, you will have to take this pill. I do not have another, sweeter pill. You might not like it, but you need to drink it.
8.Develop healthy habits for your child.
Take your child’s health seriously. Pay particular attention to prevent his unhealthy habits;
Unhealthy habits can be harmful. It might take some time (for example, eating large amounts of sugar, fatty foods, etc.)
9.Give yourself a break.
Perhaps after reading these tips, you might think that now you need to be the perfect mom and develop all these skills.
Take it easy. No one is perfect, and you do not need to be perfect. In the end, we are all people with our human foibles.
You have to be a little easier on yourself. Allow yourself to have fun when the situation does not require you to be too dangerous. For example, allow yourself:
To give yourself time when you put the child to sleep during the day;
Look forward to when the child grows up, and you will feel better;
Involve parents in the educational process; ask them to sit with the child, etc.
Finally, remember the more pleasure you get from the time when you are raising a child, the more this time will be pleasant to the child as well.
About the author
Despite her tender age, Melisa Marzett has been freelancing for many years. Currently working for www.essay-editor.net/, she writes guest articles and now focuses on self-development and improvement. She believes that self-discipline is the key to success. There is not a day that goes by that she does not feel like writing or reading.