How to Find Out if You’re in an Unhealthy Relationship: 5 Obvious Signs
If you are constantly fighting for your happiness, then this is no longer love: it is war. And, perhaps, you should be the one who will be the first to raise the white flag and end this unnecessary battle. Find out the top 5 signs of an unhealthy love in this article.
Each person maintains a relationship with someone: a girl or boyfriend, a wife or husband, a friend, or a relative. However, not everyone knows how to maintain and develop interpersonal relationships properly.
We all want healthy relationships full of love, harmony, care, and warmth. Sometimes it is too late to restore them, and then it remains to determine that the relationship is unhealthy, and then end them in time. What is unhealthy love meaning, and what is unhealthy love in a relationship? What are the main signs of unhealthy love? Read on and find out!
Sweet lies and bitter truth
Try to find out all the main points, even not the most pleasant ones, at the beginning of the relationship. Perhaps there are topics that a person does not want to open on. Yes, this is, to some extent, a secret. But it is one thing to keep the name of your first love a secret from your partner, and the presence of a wife and son is another. Trust is a solid foundation for feelings. And in your relationship, everything should be as clear as possible. If you have repeatedly caught your partner cheating, lying, think about whether you are ready to put up with it and whether such a relationship is necessary.
When one partner is looking for a way to identify a falsehood, another understands it and can use different manipulations in an unhealthy love. Comments like: “Why don’t you believe me?” “How can I lie to you?” are just a way to provoke a sense of guilt in a partner who, upon discovering the signs of a lie, wants to know the truth. Yielding to such manipulations, you are not able to find out the truth. If you notice manipulation in the form of such comments, complaints, or even offense, try to ignore it and ask for a direct but calm discussion.
Total Indifference or Negative Emotions
Imagine a situation: you have become the “employee of the year,” everyone congratulates you on this achievement, and your loved one reacts to it dryly, using standard phrases. You have not heard any compliments or sincere joy from them. It is a reason to think seriously. If their attitude towards you is intense, they will feel pride for you. On whom, then, to rely in a critical situation, if not on a loved one?
Can a relationship be healthy if you experience a storm of negative emotions thinking about your partner? Of course not. The general emotional background in a relationship should be positively colored; otherwise, such communication simply loses its meaning and turns into unhealthy love relationships. People in a couple should not always be angry, crying, and swearing – such an environment can harm both mental and physical health.
It may happen that you continuously make excuses in a relationship. In that case, the slightest delay after work can cause a scandal, all meetings with friends without a partner are taboo, and messages in social networks are checked, then know that it’s time for you to dot the i’s. Whatever your partner says to justify such behavior, know that such a “choking” relationship is just a good opportunity for his self-affirmation. There is even such a thing as “pathological jealousy.” It is a hazardous condition, one of the forms of mental disorder. It is incredibly offensive if you have never given reasons for jealousy. Moreover, if you begin to demonstrate such behavior towards them in return, a huge scandal begins.
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Is it unhealthy to love someone too much? If at first control and jealousy may seem funny and give a certain spicy touch to your relationship, then after a very short period, you will begin to feel that you are choking from constant control and breakdowns of your partner. Even worse, he always blames you for his inappropriate behavior. Who knows what dimensions his pathological jealousy will take next time?
It is worth seriously considering that your loved one continually monitors where you are, forces you to spend all the time at home, and prohibits you from communicating with one of your friends or family members. They can control your expenses and make you responsible for the smallest spending.
A bad sign of different unhealthy types of love is if your partner reads your email or messages, listens in on your conversations, prohibits calling and texting with someone, or even using the phone or social networks. At the same time, partner-aggressors tend to shift all the blame for problems in relationships exclusively on you. They systematically criticize you for any trifles, blame you for all failures, and periodically ridicule you or things that are important to you, especially in the presence of strangers.
According to the best dating sites 2020, we are all different people; we all have our fears. Therefore, quarrels and conflicts are possible in any, even the strongest family. Another thing is how you behave during such situations, how constructively you approach them.
If you insult each other or someone else does it while striving to go over the most painful topics, this means that an unhealthy love is on the verge of breaking up. When we don’t want to think about how the other person feels, whether it will be hard for them, and how deep their resentment will be, there is no talk about love. After all, this feeling is characterized primarily by concern.
The same applies to a situation with constant criticism – with or without reason. It often affects both men and women. Men are usually irritated by the appearance of their “beloved”; for example, they are unhappy with their partner’s weight or the size of their breasts. Simultaneously, they do it even in public, which causes huge complexes in a woman. In turn, girls can terrorize a man with questions of money, career, and further down the list.
These are all cases of so-called emotional abuse, which means that warm feelings have faded. In this situation, physical violence may happen in the future. It all leads to unhealthy love stories. Do you need it? If the relationship more and more resembles unhealthy, you need to negotiate with a partner and create comfortable conditions or confidently end it. Make your own choice concerning unhealthy love vs. healthy love.
Any relationship implies small quarrels; you cannot do without it. But when such events become more frequent and involve violence (physical, sexual, or psychological), you need to cut ties urgently. Partners in a healthy relationship will never hit the other or force them to do anything because they respect each other. People in a couple should not be afraid of each other, insult and humiliate, or overly control, prohibit something. This behavior is clearly outside the scope of healthy communication and is an unhealthy love synonym.
Besides, physical abuse is not continuous but is a cycle that develops in a certain pattern. A long period of tension is inevitably followed by a period of splash (in fact, the act of violence itself): it can be a fight, a scandal, or a scene that humiliates you. However, after this, calmness always follows. The abuser asks for forgiveness and promises never to do this again. A “peaceful” period begins, which psychologists call “honeymoon”: your unhealthy love-hate relationship seems to normalize or even get better. But in the end, the cycle of violence inevitably repeats itself. It is these alternations of “black” and “white” periods that confuse victims. Many can live like this for years without noticing that all situations are developing according to the same pattern, without analyzing it or every time, hoping that now everything will be changed.
Unfortunately, everything is rather the opposite: in most cases, the duration of these periods will be shortened (especially between tension and relaxation), aggressive actions will intensify (up to the threat to your life), and the period of rest may disappear altogether in these unhealthy and healthy love swings.
All unhealthy love types are dangerous because they are carefully masking as normal, and you may have the deceptive feeling that you are happy. Your relationship may seem quite healthy for a long time, but then the inevitable pain and disappointment will break your heart even more.
Positive emotions are replaced by negative ones—eternal reproaches, criticism, pressure, emotional emptiness. A feeling of fear for your own life appears. Everything collapses, breaks down. But where to find an explanation for this?
The answer is very simple – only within you. Only you can decide whether you need such a relationship and end it. However, sometimes, if you find it difficult to decide or are afraid of possible problems associated with the breakup, you should consult a specialist. We wish you to understand your relationship and notice any of the above unhealthy love signs in time. We hope our article will help you with this.
Share your experience in the comments below. What is the unhealthy definition of love for you? Have you experienced an unhealthy love? What is the most important sign you consider?
Miranda Davis is a freelance writer in the relation and psychology area. Miranda is interested in such topics as building healthy relationships between people, love/sex compatibility, and how to find the right balance in life in general. She is currently doing specific research on the topic. Miranda loves cooking and long-distance walking.